Small Soldiers

C- Directed by Joe Dante Running Time: 1:50

Small Soldiers was a very disappointing movie. It had the chance to be very good, but it turned out wrong. The story wasn't very convincing, which normally wouldn't be a problem, but what I found was the biggest problem, was that I didn't care about any of the characters. First you have this kid named Alan who works for his father in a toy store. He seems to have this reputation around school, but while that got fully explained really quickly, it was built up so much, you thought there would be more to it. Then you have this girl he really likes (for no apparent reason than because she's beautiful, but I guess that's not too much of a problem) named Christy. But she has a boyfriend, so you figure there'd be this love triangle thing going on, but it never happens. So then you have these toys. Toys that have been implanted with a smart chip built by the military. They have the ability to talk, talk back, and learn. So one set of toys (the Commando Elite) is programmed to attack and kill the other set of toys (the Gorgonites). Sound exciting? Well, it isn't.

So what is this movie about? Is it about this boy Alan, trying to win the girl? trying to win his fathers acceptance? Is it about these toys called the Gorgonites? What the hell is this movie about? It seems it's only about toys killing toys, and if people get in the way, kill the people. This movie was not funny. So don't go in thinking it'll be like Toy Story or Who Framed Roger Rabbit because it isn't like either of those films. Both those films were entertaining. And more importantly, both those movies had heart, and characters you cared about. I could have cared less if Alan got the girl, or saved the poor little Gorgonites. And speaking of the Gorgonites, I was getting a little tired of the leader of the Gorgonites (Archer) complaining all the time of how they were programmed to lose. Did he lose? Hell no. He won! Not only that, while all the other toys seemed to get destroyed, him and his band lived. All because they were covered partially by a satellite dish? Please.

The only redeeming thing about this movie was the computer animation. It is remarkable how they can make things look so real. The toys really did come to life on the screen. But other than that, this movie had the chance of being really good, but instead fell flat on it's face. Give me characters I care about. Or give me a real story. Or give me a reason for all the violence. This movie seemed to be targeting kids, but I don't think this was a kid's movie at all. Ok, enough, I'm tired of talking about this movie. Just don't waste your money on it. Please.